well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
