Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
