He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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