the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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