I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
