Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
