be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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