I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
