Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
