That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
