i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
