I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize