i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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