I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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