even my farts smell like vagina
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
