FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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