Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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