Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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