Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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