I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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