i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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