dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
