I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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