just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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