dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
