wat bout pragnant strippers??
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
