I just pynch a tree in the face
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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