I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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