So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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