She is in my trunk
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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