We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
