I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
