I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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