Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize