pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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