For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
