I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
