do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
