I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
