my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
