Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you win again, gameday.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize