While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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