i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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