I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
