Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
