I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
