Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
