Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize