I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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