the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
