Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
