There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
