meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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