if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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