I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
