He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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