the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
