sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
