Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
