Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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