What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
