4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My liver just had a heart attack.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize