He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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