i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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