What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize