i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
