OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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