If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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