I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
